Aggressive: - Putting your rights and needs before others
Passive: - Allowing others rights and needs before yours
Assertive:-To respect the personal rights and needs of others whilst maintaining your own rights and needs in a reasonable and responsible manner
A key to a successful customer service training workshop is that delegates understand the definition of Assertive behaviour, which is often confused with aggressive but you can see from the above definitions that they are very different. The key element is the ability to understand someone else’s rights and needs first and if you need to defuse someone else’s aggressive behaviour this makes complete sense. The reason it can be challenging is that our natural behaviours are either passive or aggressive and invoke our fight or flight responses. Our ancestors needed these responses to ensure survival, if you were walking through a meadow and a huge hairy mammoth came charging towards you your choice would either be to run and hide (flight/passive) or stand and fight (fight/aggressive) you would definitely not try and listen and reason with a charging mammoth. We still experience these reactions in our modern world even though we don’t have hairy mammoths to contend with, when we are in a situation where the customer is angry and aggressive our body will react to it because it is a stressful situation. This means we physically prepare for an urgent response to threat, this results in increased adrenalin going to the front part of our brain. Our bodies are getting ready for the extreme physical exertion of either fighting or running for our lives. If we don’t actually need to do this the adrenalin can make us feel very uncomfortable and affect our behaviour.
Fight/flight response:-what is happening to me?
· A rise in temperature, feeling flushed, even breaking out in a sweat,
· Breathlessness
· The heart beating faster/palpitations
· Muscle tension and shaking
· Restlessness and fidgeting
· Swallowing from increases in saliva
These reactions result in our natural judgement being suspended because the fight and flight responses are all about action and that’s what we are preparing for. This means we are more impulsive, we have racing thoughts and it can lead us to behave aggressively in a way we may totally regret later, or we can retreat and avoid taking any responsibility. All in all none of this is helpful when dealing with angry and upset customers, of course they are also reacting from the same set of responses and this can give us some clues on how to deal with them if we can keep our own behaviour in check.
What is your default position?
Before we look at ways to minimise the effect of these physical responses it’s a good idea to have an understanding of which behaviour you are mostly likely to adopt, aggressive or passive. This can then help you to be aware of what you are doing and adopt strategies to push through the behaviours.
To find out what your default position is likely to be why not drop me an email and I will send you a free questionnaire with instructions and scoring sheet to help discover it.peter@soldout-trainers.com