There is an American ‘relationship counsellor’ (a loose term) who controversially advocates you should treat your wife, husband, girlfriend or boyfriend like your employee.

The argument is something like this; there should be an expectation of positive attitude and contribution, levels of trust, understanding and compassion, and negative behaviour if not curbed should result in dismissal.

This raises interesting questions with regard to conflict resolution, and one might suggest that dealing with an angry partner or angry customer requires the same approach:

Don’t argue
Stop concentrating on being ‘right’ and pushing your own agenda – firm and rapid justification won’t get you anywhere.

Don’t assume
Never assume that what they have a ‘bee in their bonnet’ about relates clearly and logically to the root problem. When emotions are involved, logic can fly out of the window.

Listen
Listen to their concerns, without judgement and without emotive responses, it’s all valuable information, whether you realise it at that moment or not.

Empathise
Ask yourself these questions – how might I feel if I were in their shoes? Why might I react in this way?

Clarify
Take care to neutrally ask questions if you are not clear about the message within the barrage of statements being made.

Re-frame
Sometimes it might be necessary to ask them to go away, and put their concerns down in writing. The act of writing down problems has a psychological effect of making the unhappy customer or partner reflect on their core issues.

Work together
Try to come up with a set of solutions or opportunities where you can meet their expectations without having to compromise on your values or belief. Find a way for a win-win situation.

In a previous article we explored the initial stages in handling a customer complaint. Let’s look at the final elements of complaint resolution:

Identify their needs
Find out what the customer actually wants. This is where your questioning skills come into play. A common mistake would be trying to steer the conversion too early; this is the time when you can use open questions and seek clarification to get all of the facts. You also need to try and establish the key elements of their experience and find out how it as affected them. Sometimes is just to get their frustration off their chest, other times it can be requirement that can be relatively simple to provide.

Agree a solution and a timescale
In some cases you will need to go off and investigate. If this is the case agree with the customer when you will contact them again. When you say you’re going to find out more information, really do it. Try and approach your investigation with an objective attitude, you need to both empathise with the customer, and possibly empathise with the internal individuals who have had an involvement in the problem.

This is also a useful opportunity to identify any weaknesses in the organisation’s policies and procedures. You may discover that some sales training or personal development activity may stop the problem occurring again.

When you have all the information you need, propose a solution, or a set of solutions that a customer is happy to agree on. Establish a timescale for this resolution to be met within. Follow up with the client at a later date to check they are satisfied with the outcome.

Every customer problem is an opportunity to improve your organisation.

If a manager invests in the personal development of their customer service team, to better handle an angry customer, results will be immediate.

The following first steps should be taken to handle an angry customer:

Apologise
Within the first couple of minutes of the conversation, it is often a good idea to sincerely apologise to the client, and explain that it is your intention to work with them to resolve the problem. By stating your position at the outset, it avoids the client perceiving you as the enemy. They need to know you are there for them.

Listen
Listen to their problems, and ask open questions to find out as much about the issue as possible, and how it is affecting the customer. Listen without prejudice. Give verbal nods to let them know you’re paying attention. Only interrupt them if there’s an element of clarification required.

Empathise
This is critical, empathise with the customer, and check back the details of their complaint or problem to make sure you have understood it well. Do not be defensive. Keep your tone of voice calm, low and steady – it’s tempting to subconsciously match their volume and nervous tension, and this will seem like you’re arguing. If you stay relaxed, they will eventually follow your lead.